What if the biggest roadblock in your career path isn’t a lack of skills or experience, but the voice in your head that’s been telling you to stay quiet since you were a little girl?
That voice is familiar to many women in accounting, tax, and bookkeeping. It’s the one that whispers “don’t brag” when you land a major client. It suggests you “soften” your opinion in the board meeting. It convinces you that speaking up will somehow offend someone. Most of us inherited this voice through years of well-meaning feedback that taught us to make ourselves smaller.
In a recent episode of the She Counts podcast, hosts Nancy McClelland and Questian Telka tackle this topic head-on with special guest Misty Megia. Misty is the CEO and creative force behind Theatre of Public Speaking, where she helps women and underrepresented voices unmute themselves, whether in a conference room, a technical breakout session, or a keynote spotlight. Nancy and Questian are proud graduates of her TOPS program and can speak about the transformation from their firsthand experience.
The trio discussed how to reclaim the voices we’ve learned to silence, and it doesn’t involve generic confidence mantras or vague advice to “just think positive.” Real change comes from understanding why our brains cling to negativity in the first place, building specific action plans that outsmart procrastination and fear, surrounding ourselves with people who tell us the truth, and recognizing that self-promotion isn’t ego; it’s service to the people who need exactly what we have to offer.
The Power of Building Your Dream One Step at a Time
Misty opens the episode with a story. While working on a film in Armenia, she asked the director for advice about making a documentary. “I hate documentaries,” the director replied. “And while we’re at it, I’m not a fan of rom coms either.”
The twist? They were literally filming a rom-com at that moment.
The director explained that her real dream was to make a sci-fi film she’d written. But she knew she wasn’t ready. So she made documentaries first to learn how to tell stories and frame scenes. Then she wrote the rom-com they were filming because it was “a massive playground and the stakes were low, but the lessons were high.”
“Watching a woman who fully owned the climb,” Misty reflects. “Not waiting for permission, not waiting to be ready, not apologizing for learning. She was building her dream, one imperfect moment at a time.”
The lesson hit Misty hard. “We often wait to begin until we are an expert. But we need to begin because that’s how we become an expert.”
Understanding What’s Keeping You Muted
Before you can reclaim your voice, you need to understand what silenced it in the first place and why your brain makes it so hard to break free.
When Misty talks about “unmuting,” she’s not just referring to the moment you turn on your microphone in a Zoom call. “There are so many components in our life that are muscles we need to constantly exercise, whether it’s our creativity, how we show up in a space, or how we support one another,” she explains. “To me, that’s the act of unmuting. What do we dream of doing? And what steps do we need to take to move toward that dream?”
Nancy keeps a Post-it note next to her computer (right beside the one reminding her of the cost of goods sold formula) that reads, “Be the best version of yourself you can be. But who is that?” That question is crucial. “It reminds me to make sure it’s my own definition of who I am,” Nancy explains. “It’s easy to get lost and start being who we think the world wants us to be.”
The muting happened gradually for Questian. “When I was really young, I was very, very vocal, very outspoken,” she shares. She beat all the boys in pull-ups in elementary school. She was “born a feminist,” convinced she could do anything. But somewhere along the way, the feedback started coming. “You are bothering other people. You have to say things in a certain way as a woman so you don’t upset someone or offend them.”
By the time she joined Misty’s program, Questian was “absolutely terrified to go into a Zoom meeting or conference and have a conversation with someone.”
There’s a scientific reason those negative messages stick so hard. “Our mind is wired to keep us safe, and that negative comment can be perceived as a threat,” Misty explains. “Your mind thinks it’s unsafe, so it circles around it like crazy to figure out how to be safe.”
But what makes the situation even more complicated is that the systems around us compound these struggles. Men experience imposter syndrome too, but they tend to move through it faster. She shares a telling example of a male head of sales who was competing against a woman with more experience for a VP role. Despite his “massive anxiety,” he got the job because the hiring committee saw themselves in him.
“We internalize a lot of the external conversations,” Misty observes. “How did those even become internal conversations? We weren’t born with that.”
Building Your Action Plan for Breaking Through
Understanding why you’re muted is important, but your brain needs more than awareness. It needs concrete action.
“A lot of people say just start thinking positive. Just think happy, joyful thoughts and counteract it,” Misty says. “That is so difficult. Your body and your mind are so much better when they have a specific action to take.”
When Misty finds herself stuck on a presentation, procrastinating instead of working, she has a diagnostic process. She asks herself, Is it the people making her nervous? Is it her skill set? Does she lack confidence in how she’ll show up? Or is it the overall situation causing anxiety?
“Once I have an action plan, because I’ve focused on where that anxiety is coming from, then I can move forward and I stop procrastinating,” she explains. Often she’ll discover something specific. “I don’t feel strong about my opener. Let me fix that.”
The procrastination itself becomes information. For Misty, it’s housework. Suddenly, folding laundry seems urgent. For Questian, it’s doomscrolling. “I’ll be working and my brain will just come to a moment where I stop, and then all of a sudden I find myself on my phone.”
Nancy, who describes herself as a “cognitive behavioral therapy nerd,” points out that you have to notice yourself being in anxiety before you can address it. “You have to notice that it’s happening, which takes a lot of practice and honestly, a lot of friends who can see it in you.”
Misty shares two powerful techniques for reframing negative self-talk:
- The Best Friend Technique. When negative self-talk starts, Misty literally names it after her best friend Christina. “To me, she’s my biggest supporter. She’s my cheerleader. She also will give it to me honestly if I’m not doing something right.” Christina would never say the brutal things that inner voice dishes out. “We truly talk to ourselves worse than we would talk to our best friend.”
- The Childhood Photo Technique. Years ago, Misty took a class that had participants put a picture of themselves as a child next to their bed. “Anytime we had that negative self-talk, we would see our younger self and go, ‘Would you say that to this little girl?”‘ The protective instinct kicks in immediately.
Questian loves this approach. “We’re all still that little girl inside, right?” And as Misty points out, that little girl “would be so impressed with how far you’ve made it, who couldn’t even dream of where you are and what you’re doing.”
Sometimes, hitting bottom provides the clearest view. Questian shares that after a year of family challenges, loss, and professional setbacks with nonprofits losing funding, she recently told someone, “I feel like a failure.”
But the next day, she had clarity. “Here are the things I have to take a step back from,” she told Nancy. “I need to do it so I can focus on these other areas.”
“You got clarity when you saw that low point happen,” Nancy observed. “If those things are really the most important to you, then you need to focus on those.”
The reframe matters. Failure becomes information about what needs to change.
The Power of Community and Authentic Self-Promotion
Individual techniques can transform how you handle fear and self-doubt. But the people you surround yourself with are the accelerator.
“If you surround yourself with people who believe in you and think you are the sun, moon and stars, then that will be contagious to you. And it’s based in reality because they see the work you put in,” Misty explains. “If you surround yourself with doubters, then that’s what you start to believe.”
The key phrase is “based in reality.” This isn’t about empty cheerleading. Nancy demonstrates authentic support when she tells Questian, “You wrote that 100-minute session for the main stage at the Women Who Count conference on sexual harassment. You changed lives. I have no doubt that you changed lives with that.”
Questian knows Nancy means it because, as she puts it, “You will tell me if I’m full of shit.”
Now for the uncomfortable part: self-promotion.
“I know for the podcast to be successful, for Ask a CPA to be successful, for the work I’m doing as a public speaker to be successful, I need to self-promote,” Nancy admits. “But I am turned off by self-promotion. It’s icky.”
Questian adds, “We were told when we were little girls, don’t brag. You’re not allowed to brag. Don’t talk about yourself too much.”
“There are so many people out there to tell you no. Do not be the first one to say it,” Misty says, offering a powerful reframe. You’re not promoting to everyone. “You’re doing it for that one person who needs your services. They need to hear what you have to say on this podcast. They need that little bit of validation to say, ‘I can do this too.'”
When Nancy and Questian promote She Counts, they’re saying, “Hey, there’s a space for you where you count.” That’s not self-promotion; it’s service.
Self-affirmation needs evidence, though. “We don’t take enough proof points that we didn’t die doing something,” Misty points out. You posted on social media and didn’t die. You presented to the board and didn’t die. Each survival is data your brain needs.
The final lesson is to stop copying others. “We are such unique individuals. Every single one of us brings something totally different to the table,” Misty says. “Yet any time we want to show up, we want to look at who else was successful and follow that to the T so much that we forget our own voice.”
Instead, she’s taking an upholstery class and consuming content outside her niche, finding what excites her so she can bring something authentically new to her work.
Your Turn to Unmute
Questian’s transformation tells us what’s possible. She went from being terrified to speak in a Zoom meeting to presenting to 400 people on a main stage (twice). “Now I won’t shut up,” she jokes. But that’s not a problem. It’s proof that unmuting works.
The conversation makes several things clear:
- Unmuting is about becoming who you want to be, not who others expect
- Your brain’s negativity bias isn’t broken; it’s overprotective
- Vague positivity doesn’t work; you need specific action plans
- How you talk to yourself matters. Would you say those things to your childhood self?
- Real community provides honest feedback and genuine support
- Self-promotion serves those who need what you offer
Brené Brown, whom Nancy recently met at Intuit Connect (and gave a She Counts pin!), puts it perfectly: “When we screw up or fall down, many of us talk to ourselves in ways that we would never talk to someone we love and respect. Talking to ourselves from self-love and self-respect is a practice.”
Your homework is to notice when your inner critic pipes up and answer it the way you’d answer your best friend.
If you’re ready to start your unmuting journey, Misty’s Theatre of Public Speaking women’s cohort starts the first Wednesday of March, and seats are already half full. There’s also a beginner’s course for those who need foundational help before jumping into live sessions.
Listen to the full episode for the complete conversation, including the vulnerable moments, practical techniques, and the kind of honest talk that makes She Counts a valuable resource for women in accounting.