We know what to do when the records and reality don’t match. We follow the discrepancy, ask questions, and keep digging. But what happens when the gap isn’t between the books and the bank statement? What if it’s between the person we present to the world and the person we really are?
In this episode of She Counts, host Nancy McClelland is joined by Misty Megia, founder of the Theatre of Public Speaking, sitting in for co-host Questian Telka. Together, they share two stories about finding your voice. Certified Fraud Examiner and private investigator Candy Bellau explores what she calls the “fraud within.” Emily Grey explains how she learned to fully represent her beloved nonprofit, Spike’s K9 Fund, by finding her own voice.
The connection might feel familiar for accounting professionals. Closing the gap between what we say, believe, and do can help us build both confidence and trust.
Fraud grows when policy and culture don’t match
Candy didn’t plan to become a fraud examiner. As an accountant, she was hired to solve cash flow problems, clean up books, and help companies decide what to do next. But along the way, she kept uncovering fraud.
Colleagues and friends Dawn Brolin and Nicole Landau encouraged her to get certified. Within three months of speaking with Dawn, Candy was a Certified Fraud Examiner. The training taught her that investigations require specific interview methods and rules. She later became a private investigator, which added another code of ethics to her work.
Candy also learned to recognize the conditions that allow fraud to grow. In addition to the fraud triangle, she points to Robert Barry’s “three Cs”:
- Controls: Policies only work when people follow them
- Compensation: When employees feel underpaid, resentment can lead them to “compensate” themselves in other ways
- Culture: When honesty feels unsafe, people learn to hide information
Candy saw the culture problem during a flight. The man beside her said he had about 300 hours of paid time off and had never used sick time. While working on his home in Mexico, contractor delays forced him to request two extra vacation days. He told his boss the truth, but the request was denied.
“He was honest, and he got penalized for honesty. There’s your culture,” Nancy said, identifying the lesson.
Leaders can’t demand integrity while making honesty costly. And that same pressure to conceal the truth can also operate inside us.
The “fraud within” often comes from people pleasing
Candy understands concealment personally. She previously hid spending from her now-spouse and used money from her retirement and savings accounts instead of facing the problem. “I find it interesting that I’m a fraud-fighter when I felt like a fraud myself,” she says.
Childhood trauma and addiction among people close to her taught Candy to read a room, identify who felt safe, and adapt. Those skills helped her spot risks inside organizations. They also taught her to become a chameleon.
She recognized the pattern while watching Runaway Bride. Each former fiancé described Julia Roberts’ character as liking his preferred style of eggs. Candy realized she’d been doing the same thing:
- She claimed to love interior design because she wanted someone to like her
- She attended music festivals for decades even though she liked the friends, not the festivals
- In relationships, she sometimes adopted the other person’s interests so fully that she lost sight of herself
As Misty explains, “Being a chameleon feels safe.” If we share someone else’s preferences, we may believe we’ve earned a place to belong. Yet enough small adjustments can leave us unsure where the other person ends and we begin.
Recognizing that pattern is only the first step. We also must learn to be honest without using “authenticity” as an excuse to be hurtful.
Honest communication requires both compassion and boundaries
Candy believes she is an authentically kind person. For her, telling the truth doesn’t mean it’s okay to say something mean, even though it may reflect how she feels.
Context matters. At a speaking retreat, direct feedback is useful because speakers can apply it. In contrast, Nancy’s brother once repeated a hurtful comment their father had made about her. Her brother meant to be honest, but Nancy couldn’t act on it, so it only caused pain.
Before sharing difficult feedback with a client, colleague, or employee, ask:
- Is this information useful?
- Can the person act on it?
- Is this the right time and setting?
- Can I say it in a way that supports the desired result?
Boundaries can also strengthen relationships. When Candy recently declined an invitation, her friend thanked her. Candy usually said yes, so her friend never knew whether she truly wanted to attend.
Misty calls saying “no” without over-explaining a muscle that requires practice. We often assume other people will judge our boundaries when in fact, they may respect that we’re setting them.
Emily found confidence in a story she owned
Emily Grey faced a different version of the same challenge. She’d been with Spike’s K9 Fund since its beginning. The nonprofit provides lifesaving equipment, emergency medical care, and critical training for America’s working dogs.
For years, its founder served as the public face of the organization while Emily stayed behind the scenes. When he stepped away, she tried to deliver his material. It never felt right. Her voice shook, and the fear of mishandling his personal story became paralyzing.
Emily’s confidence changed when she built a presentation around her own connection to animals and the mission. “For the first time in my life, I appreciate my voice now,” she says. “And I love it.”
She also learned practical tools that apply to presentations, client meetings, and difficult conversations:
- Move before speaking to release nervous energy
- Divide your message into sections instead of memorizing every word
- Connect physical movements with sections to help trigger your memory
- Take the first step before you feel completely ready
Emily now uses these tools beyond the stage. “I’ve become a better speaker, a better listener,” she says. She encourages all women to study public speaking, because even if we never take a stage, it’s a part of learning to share your true self each and every day, and honoring what others bring to the space.
Your voice becomes stronger through use
Finding your voice comes from noticing when you mirror others, practicing small boundaries, and speaking with both honesty and care. It also means connecting your message to an outcome that matters to you.
Where are you still adjusting your voice to match what others expect? Listen to the full episode to hear Candy and Emily tell their stories.