In 2018, EY told 30 of its female executives “women’s brains absorb information like pancakes soak up syrup, so it’s hard for them to focus.” Men’s brains, apparently, are more like waffles—better at focusing because information “collects in each little waffle square.”
This was a half-day professional development workshop called “Power, Presence and Purpose” that happened just seven years ago.
When an article about this training resurfaced in a WhatsApp group of accounting professionals, it sparked exactly the conversation the profession needs to have. Nancy McClelland and Questian Telka, hosts of She Counts, the real-talk podcast for women in accounting, dove into this issue in their latest episode, unpacking where these expectations come from and what they really cost women professionally.
When Your Body Becomes Everyone Else’s Business
The message starts early and never really stops. Women’s bodies are problems to be managed, and managing male reactions is somehow their responsibility.
“I was told I couldn’t wear spaghetti strap tank tops to school because it would be too distracting for the boys,” Questian recalls of her middle school days.
That expectation followed her straight into adulthood. Her mother, trying to prepare her for professional success, advised, “In a man’s world, you have to learn to cover your body and cut your hair and make yourself blend in with male colleagues. Think pantsuits, and not the colorful, fun kind.”
The EY training took this messaging to new extremes. The 55-page presentation included a score sheet where participants rated themselves on “masculine” versus “feminine” traits. According to the training, masculine meant “acts like a leader,” “athletic,” “aggressive,” and “independent.” Feminine traits included “eager to soothe hurt feelings,” “shy,” “understanding,” “loves children,” and “cheerful.”
“So this makes sense,” Nancy says with pointed sarcasm. “Men don’t love children, and they’re not understanding. And women don’t act like leaders, and they’re not independent.”
But the advice went far beyond stereotypes. Women were told not to “flaunt their bodies” because “sexuality scrambles the brain.” They were instructed to “speak briefly because they often ramble and miss the point.” Most jaw-dropping of all was the advice not to directly confront male colleagues in meetings and to avoid sitting directly across from them, as it might make the men feel threatened.
“If that was required, I would be fired immediately,” Questian laughs. “I’m not going to last very long.”
“For the men listening, you’re not responsible for how women dress,” Nancy says, cutting to the heart of it. “You’re responsible for your behavior and your professionalism.”
The Hidden Tax on Women’s Brains
This constant self-monitoring is exhausting and actively undermines performance. Questian points to objectification theory, developed by researchers Fredrickson and Roberts, which shows that when women constantly monitor their appearance, it creates self-objectification.
“A 2020 review of that research found that this constant body monitoring actually reduces your cognitive performance,” she explains.
Nancy knows this firsthand. At a recent conference, wearing a black-and-gray sweater dress instead of her usual colorful attire, she found herself worrying, “People are going to be like, ‘What’s up, Nancy? ‘” How come you’re not colorful today?’
The irony wasn’t lost on her. After years of worrying about standing out too much, she was now anxious about blending in. Either way, that mental energy was stolen from the work itself.
“When I feel like my insides and outsides line up, I stop the constant self-objectification,” Nancy explains. “My brain focuses on doing the work instead of being busy watching itself.”
The research backs this up. McKinsey’s 2023 Women in the Workplace report and Catalyst’s work on emotional tax show that women—especially women of color—must maintain constant vigilance at work, scanning for bias and managing others’ reactions. That’s energy they can’t use for actual leadership.
The double bind makes it worse. “It’s this impossible tightrope of looking good, but not too good at work,” Questian says. “Don’t be too much, but don’t be too little.”
The problem persists today. At a recent conference, Questian learned that men were standing around discussing a female colleague’s clothing and body. The woman was, by any standard, appropriately dressed.
“What I found disturbing was the standing around discussing a woman and her attire and her body,” Questian says. “It’s a responsibility to behave and be professional, regardless of what she was doing or how she was dressing. Just don’t engage in those conversations.”
Finding Your Way Back to Yourself
Both hosts have wrestled with these pressures personally, though they’re quick to acknowledge the privilege that comes with running their own firms.
Nancy’s transformation is striking. For over a decade, she wore almost exclusively black, gray, brown, and white. As someone who regularly spoke to C-suite executives and boards, she wanted to be taken seriously.
Then a friend noticed the disconnect. “You’re one of the most colorful personalities that I know, and your exterior doesn’t match your interior,” she said, giving Nancy a colorful necklace.
“I was so scared the first time I wore that necklace,” Nancy admits. “Because I was like, oh, everybody’s gonna notice me. And I wanted to be noticed for my accomplishments.”
But when Nancy started dressing more authentically, her clients in Chicago’s quirky Logan Square neighborhood, where she runs a hyperlocal firm, actually trusted her more.
“Wearing a traditional black suit said ‘professional in an office.’ It didn’t say ‘You get me,'” she explains.
Questian takes a different approach, embracing how she wants to dress regardless of others’ opinions. “Some people will like me for it. Some people will not like me for it. And if it’s not appropriate, maybe that’s not the space I’m meant to be in.”
She’s pushed boundaries her entire career. Fifteen years ago at a Big Four firm where pantyhose were required in the dress code, she simply never wore them. She was never disciplined. The rule existed more to police than to serve any real purpose.
“For us to be able to say, ‘I’m doing this, and I feel comfortable’, it’s a little unfair,” Nancy acknowledges, recognizing that many women face real consequences for dress code violations.
Rewriting the Rules
The solution requires individual choices and systemic change. For women navigating these waters, the hosts offer three essential questions:
- Can I move in it? Is it comfortable and functional for your workday?
- Will I be thinking about it during the day? Will it create mental distraction?
- Does it feel like me? Does it align with who you are?
Questian adds deeper considerations, like what makes you feel confident? How do you want to show up as a leader? What environments make you feel seen and safe?
Here’s what firm leaders can do better:
- Involve employees in creating policies through genuine collaboration, not top-down mandates.
- Shift from appearance to function. What does the work require? Are there safety needs? What are client expectations?
- Redefine professionalism around respect, results, and competence, not clothing choices.
Nancy shares a perfect example of functional requirements. “I was working on a client project that turned out to be in the middle of a rail yard, and I was walking across this rail yard in a business suit with a skirt and high heels. That is a safety issue.”
For male colleagues who want to be allies, the ask is simple but powerful. When the conversation shifts to a woman’s appearance, redirect it. “Let’s stay focused on her work” or “She’s an excellent leader” doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to happen.
“If this woman heard the conversation you were having,” Questian asks, “would it be a conversation you would be proud of?”
The Real Bottom Line
EY paid a $100,000 fine and created a half-million-dollar scholarship fund for women and underrepresented minorities after their training came to light. But an independent review two years later showed things hadn’t improved much. Policy changes without culture change aren’t enough.
“Professionalism should be built around respect and results and competence,” Questian emphasizes, not around policing women’s bodies or managing men’s reactions.
“The solution is communication,” Nancy says, bringing the conversation home. “Have employees participate in dress code conversations. Create a safe space where people can put their two cents in and build something off of that.”
As the hosts wrap up, they invite listeners to join the conversation on the She Counts Podcast LinkedIn page. What’s the most ridiculous dress code rule you’ve ever been given?
Questian closes with a modified quote from Yves Saint Laurent: “What is most important in your attire is the woman who’s wearing it.”
The mental energy women spend managing their appearance isn’t just unfair; it’s a measurable drain on the talent and leadership the accounting profession desperately needs. When firms finally stop asking women to dress to accommodate others’ discomfort and start defining professionalism by actual professional behavior, everyone wins.
Listen to the full episode above to hear Nancy and Questian’s complete conversation about pancakes, power suits, and why personal autonomy at work shouldn’t be negotiable.